Dexter Toys Are Evil…
You might have heard about the big controversy coming out of Ohio about a toy collector - Jim Shultz - who, while perusing through his local Toys 'R' Us, came upon a serial killer. Well, it was actually a serial killer toy. And, more specifically, it was a toy based on the likeness of an actor who plays a serial killer who kills bad serial killers on a television show on Showtime. hmmmm....
Yes, Jim believed that Bif Bang Pow's Dexter action figure was convincing some kids that it was A-Okay to go out and hack up people. Maybe just the sight of such an toy in the sterile Toys 'R' Us environment could lead a youth down a dark, dark path. I'm just wondering if Jim has ever watched Dexter, because he doesn't sound like a man who realizes this is a television character...psst...it's not real, Jim.
It's not like Bif Bang Pow! is marketing the John Wayne Gacy Halloween Clown Suit...or the Son of Sam Talking Dog Plush...or even the Jeffrey Dahmer E-Z Bake Oven. But they are selling out of Dexter action figures like they're going out of style.
So - in jest - I decided to take a look at ToysRUs.com to see what other kinds of distasteful toys they are peddling to our youth.
Here's my top 10:
10. Berserker Predator Action Figure - Talk about a serial killer! Predators are some of the worst mass murderers ever...just ask Danny Glover or the Governor of California.
9. Hellboy Bust - He's from H-E-double hockey sticks. Just saying his name will make good kids turn bad.
8. Wizard of Oz - Dorothy and Toto - How easily you forget that Dorothy killed two women. I don't know about you...but I'd consider that halfway down the road to serial killer.
7. Elvis Nodnik - Let's give the kids someone to really look up to...like Elvis. Just don't tell them he was into 14 year old girls and died of drug use.
6. Gremlins Stripe Statue - Did you see what those monsters did on Christmas? They killed Mrs. Deagle, a nice old lady...for goodness sakes!
5. Homer Simpson Bobblehead - Nothing like trying to sell kids a toy depicting an obese, alcoholic, child-abuser. Great role model.
4. Freddy Krueger Action Figure - Wait! At least Dexter has some moral code about only killing serial killers. Freddy kills kids. Heck, he killed Johnny Depp as a kid.
3. Saw Puppet/Hellraiser/Chucky/Michael Myers Head Knockers - Really? Did you see any of these films? Much more gore than on Dexter...where an edited version has actually been run on CBS.
2. Ben Roethlisberger Action Figure - What kid doesn't want to have a toy of an athlete who has been accused of multiple sexual crimes? It will look great next to my O.J. Simpson, Michael Vick and Rae Carruth collectibles.
1. Any HHH Action Figure - Two words. Katie Vick. Do a Google search and you might just come across something that the WWE (and Linda McMahon) doesn't want you to see (or remember). Triple H made love to a corpse...and it was disturbing...and on television for the kiddos to see.