REVIEW: The 2005 Jones Soda National Holiday Pack
Much to my jubilation, I was able to snag the 2005 Holiday Packs from
Jones Soda Company. Jones is the self-described purveyor “of many
finely flavored beverages that can be found year round in grocery
stores, convenience stores, and everywhere else you wouldn’t expect to
find a soda.”
The National Holiday Pack from Jones is chocked full of flavors that would be
recognizable on your dinner table. However, when it comes to a soda,
some of these flavors might make you gag. This is the second year I
have heard of the Holiday Pack, and the company has changed it up and
added some new flavors. There is also a Regional Holiday Pack that is
only available in certain areas of the country (look for a review of
that later next month).
The 2005 Pack contains 5 delectable flavors that will make your mouth
salivate…one way or another. There is the infamous Turkey & Gravy,
Wild Herb Stuffing, Brussels Sprouts with Prosciutto, Cranberry Sauce and
Pumpkin Pie. The sodas are packaged in a lovely, displayable box. I
recommend keeping them as a displayable novelty item and not drinking
them. Enclosed with the soda is a recommended wine list, moistened towelette and three
sporks (you know – spoon/fork utensils).
I loaded up my Turkey soda for our Thanksgiving Day meal at a friend’s house. It was me, my wife and two of our friends who dared to partake in this taste test. I recommended that we get it over and done with before dinner since the smell of pureed turkey might make us lose our meal on the floor. It was later commented that this was the "best call of the night". So we began!
Turkey & Gravy
You have to start your liquid meal with the main course, so it was decided that we would begin with Turkey & Gravy. A quick glance at the contents and a sniff of this fine brew yielded the smell you would expect. We all choked back our shot glass sized portions and knew this was no ordinary soda. It tasted like carbonated gravy and there were comments such as: you might want to use this to baste the turkey and it’s like drinking turkey drippings.
I think it was agreed that this soda had no redeemable qualities and therefore deserved a 0 out of 5 stars.
Wild Herb Stuffing
It was agreed that it didn’t smell that bad. It actually didn’t smell much like stuffing…more of a sweeter smell. But upon consuming the cloudy soda, some of our opinions changed. It was split as to just how bad it was. Two thought it wasn’t that bad, while the other two thought it was worse than the Turkey soda. It tasted a lot like seltzer water, which I am not a fan of.
With differing opinions, the Wild Herb Stuffing soda didn’t drive us wild with a 1 out of 5 stars.
Brussels Sprouts with Proscuitto
Upon cracking the lid and taking a whiff, it was agreed upon that this would definitely be the worst of the bunch. I mean, just look at what it is trying to taste like. The smell was described as smelling like boiled cabbage. And the taste was much worse. This soda really tested all four of our gag reflexes. The Brussels Sprout soda gave a unique taste of butter and cabbage, and I am sure that the green swamp water tint of the liquid added to the overall dis-appeal.
Everyone agreed that this was by far the worst thing they ever consumed. I am sure that our friend’s dogs (who eat their own turds) even would have turned their noses up at this soda. The Brussels Sprout soda scores a -100 out of 5…if that is possible.
I thought that this soda might be the winner. It didn’t smell that bad. It didn’t really smell like any pumpkin pie I ever ate. But it was pie! C’mon…it had to be better than cabbage and meat! It had a nice color and didn’t taste that horrible. Maybe it was the Brussels Sprouts doubling up on us, but there wasn’t much of a reaction on this soda. It was somewhat spicy, but not the relief I was looking for.
2.5 out of 5 stars for Pumpkin Pie.
We were all glad that we saved the best for last. Figuring that Cranberry was a rather normal flavor, we wanted to end on a high note. It was agreed upon that this was the best soda by far…and after our taste test, it would be very good with some vodka. It was felt that Jones could market this flavor as a regular line.
Cranberry Sauce received 4 out of 5 stars…thank goodness for a reprieve!
If you are interested in purchasing your own 2005 Holiday Pack (the National Version), they are available exclusively through Target stores nationwide. Proceeds go to help the St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. These packs are in limited quantities and if history yields anything, these will sell out. And trust me…Jones Soda makes some great beverages…not all of their soda is derived from meat! (All sodas are completely vegetarian, certified kosher and contain zero calories, caffeine and carbs)